Workplace Harmony

It's happened to all of us at one time or another...the job is great, the other employees are so friendly you think you found a second family... Then, BAM!! People that had been so nice before now look at you in wary apprehension. No one looks in your eyes when they talk to you. People whisper about you behind your back. Sides are chosen and justified. Paranoia reins supreme!! A common workplace problem, clashing with other coworkers can happen because of several different reasons. What you can do depends on where your position is within the company. Generally, if you follow a basic pattern of resolving your differences with other people you are more likely to resolve the problem in an acceptable manner to both parties, without regard to your position.  

Start to practice the three R's:

Regain control of your emotions

Review the situation

Respond to the situation  

Regain control of your emotions: Often a heated argument starts only because one person didn't take a couple of seconds to censor what they were going to say before they said it. It is hard to remain objective when another person is slinging mud and ready to do battle for their cause. It is possible to get away for a few minutes; you can gain by using that time to calm down. By staying calm and objective, you project self-confidence to others which will also result in an increased amount of respect from your "opponent" and other coworkers within your company.   Certain key phrases almost always defuse a situation. For example, try saying this, "Wow, you are really MAD at me! Do you mind if I run to the Men's/Ladies' Room before we discuss this?" By saying this (or a similar phrase) you have accomplished three extremely important objectives. You have told this person that you recognize their anger without trying to overcome it, you can legitimately remove yourself from this situation for a few minutes, and you are willing to come back and "discuss" the problem.  

Review the situation: Okay, now you've stashed yourself in the restroom, either you are trying to figure out what the problem is or you've got steam shooting out of your ears! Either way, do some deep breathing, wash your face and hands, and take the time that you need to calm down. Consider the options that you have at this point. You can square off and fight or you can resolve to settle this calmly.  

Respond to the situation: Remember, your actions and words are your responsibility! No one can make you do or say anything. Respond to the situation. Your time is up, you have to leave the safety of the restroom! Your thoughts are still whirling like a sandstorm. You may or may not be able to keep calm; however, you have resolved to settle this as calmly as possible. Hopefully, the other person used this time to calm themselves but don't count on it. Avoid personal attacks. Attacking someone on a personal level reflects badly on you. Remember, if they are attacking you on a personal level, it reflects badly on them. If you made a mistake, admit it. So that's what this is about! You made a mistake and really messed up some paperwork, or an upcoming deal, or someone's schedule. It is okay to say, "You're right! I really messed that up!" How can the other person continue to argue when you are agreeing with them? Offer to correct it. "What do you think I can do to fix this?" Apologizing is a nice touch. "I'm sorry; I won't be so careless in the future..."  

Okay, so, that didn't work? You didn't make a mistake, it's about something else? You're not getting anywhere resolving this issue?  

Consider bringing in a third party. You can say, "I don't feel like we are settling this well on our own, what do you think about meeting with (person to help) discuss this?" Be open to the other party's suggestions. Usually, the more willing you are to resolve a problem, the more willing the other party becomes. Sometimes, the only alternative is to approach the supervisor. If you feel that's the only option left, tell the other person before you go to your supervisor. That way, you're not "sandbagging" or "tattling" on your coworker. Don't discuss it with other coworkers. Keep the problem between you and the other person. If you have to say anything, try this: "I feel confident (person you're having problems with) and myself can resolve this." This will establish trust with your other coworkers. You never know when you might be nose to nose with them! They will remember your reluctance to gossip! If someone's talking to you about someone else, they are probably talking about you as well.  

Be kind. Many people often mistake kindness for weakness. It takes a very brave and self confident person to be kind especially in the face of adversity. Kindness does not suggest weakness in any way!